Day 20 of 21
It’s the eve of my leaving.
Alisa left this afternoon. We woke up early and had petit dejeuner at La Dome. We had planned on cleaning the apartment afterwards but took a walk to Notre Dame instead. We had a leisurely day walking through Notre Dame while Sunday Mass was going on and then we went to Berthillon for ice cream on Ile Saint Louis.
Then she left.
It was very hard when she left. On one hand, I felt lightness as soon as I turned away from the train. I walked home from Les Halles and contemplated what I would do for the rest of my last day in Paris. But by the time I got back home, I just wanted to lie down. I checked to see if Luisa, Dan, or Sebastien were online and they weren’t.
Going from being by myself for such an intense period, to five days with Alisa, to suddenly being alone again…messed with my head a little. I sort of curled up and just wanted to sleep away my last few hours in Paris. It’s the loneliest I’ve felt in a long time…not just in the time I’ve been here.
Dan called and I cried. And he listened. And then he basically told me I was ok and we got off the phone. That along with feeling ravenous for cooked meat got me out of bed and into my boots. I decided to go back to the beginning and have dinner at Vin des Pyrenees.
This time I ordered a steak and a bottle of rosé. It was a great meal. And I wrote for two hours. I quickly found my way back to the place, my place…where everything is ok. Where being alone at a table in the middle of a restaurant filled with people with my three notebooks is the safest place to be. I finished my steak and ordered a caramel brioche with ice cream.
I had only one thing left that I needed to do: finish writing at Le Jean Bart. Lovely Le Jean Bart. I got my tea…
wrote my last poem in Paris, and contemplated the warmth that I found in this odd little café.
I will never forget this place.
Paté and Heartbreak 